Life is indeed an illusion. The word present is deceiving as it looses its meaning as it is even spelt. I feel exhausted as I fight against my self-centeredness in an attempt to be a perfect mom, a perfect wife, a perfect daughter, a perfect team member…the perfect. I feel my energy draining and my thrive to be the perfect slowing going towards that languishing zone. As I look at my daughter, I know I can not give up. As I look my parents, I feel I should not give up. As I look at my husband, I understand I must not give up. As I look at myself, I question for how much more should I give to hold on.
As I look at others, it does not look that bad. Of course, grass is greener on the other side. And, I know I am one of the privileged and blessed one in many way. Still, why does it feel like life is dragging? You try and try and try just to have one normal day. Is it me? Can someone tell me how can I make others happy? Can someone help how can I be the Mrs Perfect or close to one? My head has gone boomerang as I try to find answers. I am a failure at work and a failure at home. This tear I have tried to hold is getting heavy. This tear I can not let it go as then, I can not be a role model to my daughter. This tear I can not let it flow as then, it will prove how weak I am.
I know I can if I try and everyday I am trying. I have flaws all over, but I accept and move on. I know if I give a try, it is not the end of the world. Maybe today was bad, tomorrow may be a good fine day. Today is my ranting day.
Life is amazing 